


A Source of Comfort

by Ralemalt



Series: Fiki Week [7]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of Accident, Mentioned Character Death, Paramedic!Fili, Teacher!Kili, Unrelated Fíli and Kíli, again no canon characters, but no canon characters, mentioned child death, or at least an attempt at a sad fic, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 00:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8468341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralemalt/pseuds/Ralemalt
Summary: The short text read “It was a bad day. He’s going to need you.” But that was all Kili needed to know.Written for FiKi Week.





	

**Author's Note:**

> * Finally done! It's a little late, but is anybody going to complain about a week dedicated to such a pair being stretched out a bit?
> 
> * Please read the warnings as some of the content might not be your cup of tea, though there isn't anything graphic. If you think I need to add something, please let me know as well!
> 
> Prompt: Laughter or Tears

_“It was a bad day. He’s going to need you.”_

Brown eyes read over the text once more as Kili waited for the front door to open. It had been sent about twenty minutes ago, and it would take about twenty five for Fili to drive home from work.

The brunet shifted on his feet, anxious to see his husband home and safe, but he wasn’t sure if greeting him right when he walked through the door or giving him his space was best. It was sometimes hard to tell which kind of _bad day_ it was.

He sighed and slipped his phone into his pocket, deciding that Tauriel’s statement of _he’s going to need you_ meant that he’d stay right where he was, watching and waiting for the door to their apartment to open. She’d been Fili’s partner on the job for the last four years now and knew best what kind of mood the blond was in at the moment.

A bad day for Kili consisted of an unruly or disrespectful student, maybe an irate parent, or a bunch of marking to do. A bad day for Fili meant that someone had lost someone important to them, and despite his line of work, Fili always took a loss hard.

There was a slight shuffle from outside the door, and Kili couldn’t help but tense up a little as he waited. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt when he heard the key sliding into the lock, but by the time the door knob turned and the door was pushed open, his hands were at his sides again.

The figure entering the apartment paused only for a moment upon seeing him, and Kili took that moment to determine the best course of action.

Fili’s eyes were red, and they weren’t just bloodshot from a long and tiring shift. More than a few locks of gold had come loose from the tie holding the rest back, but it wasn’t enough to cover his face like he seemed to want. His shoulders were curled forward in almost defeat, and he looked so absolutely haggard that a lump formed in Kili’s throat from just looking at him.

The door was pushed closed and locked automatically before Fili dropped the bag he’d been carrying that held his uniform and leaned back against the wood and forced a smile. “Hey. It’s late. Shouldn’t you be in bed?” His voice sounded rough and just as exhausted as he looked. “You have class tomorrow.”

It was just past midnight, but Fili had been on the late rotations this week and had been coming home later than this the last few days. Kili didn’t care about having class tomorrow. He’d already sent an email notification that he’d need a substitute knowing it was probably going to be a late night. “I figured you might need me.” Kili could have lied and told him that he had just been passing to go to bed or he’d been waiting up to say goodnight, but he’d never lied to Fili before and wasn’t about to start now.

Somehow, the blond’s shoulders drooped a little more as he leaned his head back against the door with a light thud. Those blue eyes shifted to look at the ceiling so they didn’t have to look at Kili, and Fili’s bottom lip disappeared between his teeth as the man tried to hold himself together. It would take a bit for the defenses he desperately needed for the job to drop so that he’d allow himself to be taken care of, but Kili was patient and could wait. “Tauriel called you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Texted me.” Kili admitted readily, “She said it was a bad day, and I can see for myself that it was.” The concern in his voice was obvious, but he refrained from asking about what had happened just yet. Fili would tell him when he was ready. “Have you had anything to eat?”

“Not hungry.” Fili was sill staring at the ceiling.

Kili’s lips pursed together. His first instinct was to push, but he knew it wasn’t the time. Questions weren’t going to be met with cooperative answers either, but that was okay. After three years together, Kili didn’t need to ask questions to know what he needed to do. “Okay. Then I’m going to draw you a bath and I’m going to wash your hair while I tell you about my day.” He insisted, wanting more than anything to draw Fili into a hug instead, but he knew the man wasn’t ready for contact like that just yet.

When those eyes finally flicked down to look at him, Kili offered him a gentle smile, “Let me take care of you, okay, Fee?”

Fili considered it for a moment, face rather blank despite the clearly conflicting emotions held in his gaze, but he gave in with a slight nod of his head.

“Okay. Meet me in the bathroom when you’re ready.” Kili turned and headed to their bathroom.

The area wasn’t as large as their first apartment together, but the tub was significantly bigger and soaking in a bath together had become a favourite activity. Tonight, however, Kili was content to stay dry.

As the tub filled with water, he gathered the largest and fluffiest towels they owned, and he even lit the two lavender scented candles that sat atop the wall cabinet in hopes of the smell helping Fili to relax a little.

Just as Kili turned the water off, he spotted movement at the door. He hated the defeated slump of his husband’s usually confident and almost cocky stance as he stood just inside the room like a muted shadow. He’d stripped down to his boxers and had taken his hair out. The strands even seemed limp as they hung over his shoulders. He was a very heartbreaking sight since he was usually the one taking care of Kili, and the brunet could barely stand this.

“I think it’s hot enough.”

Fili took the invitation for what it was and finally stepped closer, stripping off the last of his clothing and climbing in. Kili fiddled with the bottle of shampoo while Fili submerged himself under the water for a few moments to get completely wet, but once he was sitting again, Kili went to work without hesitation and began a litany of talking that really wasn’t important as long as it gave Fili something to focus on instead of the thoughts that Kili knew were running through his mind.

“Tyler tripped and fell into the fish tank this morning, so that hour was spent saving the fish and cleaning up the mess. I’ll need a new tank now, but Nemo, Flounder, and Mrs. Puff will be happy in the big mixing bowl a couple of my students stole from the Home Economics room.”

“Stole?” The question surprised Kili, but Fili wasn’t facing him to see it. He still sounded utterly wrecked, but at least he wasn’t silent.

The brunet grinned sheepishly even though Fili couldn’t see that either. It was obvious in his voice. “Borrowed without asking?” He suggested as he ran his fingers through the soapy strands of hair, making sure that his nails were lightly scratching along the scalp underneath.

There was a soft snort, “Their teacher is a horrible influence.” Fili murmured quietly.

“Hey, I put a stop to the betting pool in the next class to see who could swallow Mrs. Puff whole. They were even willing to give me a cut.”

When no other comment was made, Kili didn’t take it personally and continued on.

“Ms. Walker, the chemistry teacher you’ve met like three times, kept flirting with me at lunch again. I like the woman, but she can’t seem to take the hint that I’m already ecstatically spoken for. We may have to do something drastic at the next Christmas party, Fee.” He insisted as he gently tugged on a few strands of hair, “Ready to rinse.”

As Fili uncurled from the position he’d moved into and leaned back, Kili slipped his hands under his head to help rinse the shampoo away. Conditioning went much the same, Kili talking about a skit presentation his class had done in groups on the book they’d all been assigned to read as he lathered, and then scrubbed Fili down with the soap. Some days the smell of hospital and stress stuck to Fili like glue, and Kili hated the thought of it bothering him tonight.

Once he had his lover reclining again, he took his time rinsing out the now silky strands of hair and the remaining soap clinging to clean skin. Fili had closed his eyes and had accepted all of Kili's ministrations without complaint, and he remained just like that even long after the brunet was finished.

When a slightly wrinkled hand rose from the water, Kili grasped it gently and squeezed when Fili tightened his grip. Making himself comfortable on the floor next to the tub, Kili mentioned the conversation he'd had with his mother that morning, and how they'd been invited for supper on Sunday when he'd run out of school related stuff to talk about. It was easy to keep talking about his mother since the woman always seemed to find herself in odd situations. It was obvious where Kili got it from.

When the water grew cool, the brunet decided it was time to get out and gently tugged and prodded Fili until the blond relented.

Fili wasn't one to wear a shirt to bed, but when he pulled on one of Kili's frequently worn t-shirts for the scent it carried, Kili's heart clenched a little tighter than before. He studied the blond for a moment after Fili sat down on his side of the bed. He was still for a long time and continued to remain silent.

Kili was running out of things to say, but he picked up a brush from the dresser and crawled across the bed until he could situate himself behind his husband. With a leg stretched out on either side of Fili, Kili began to run the brush through his damp hair with the intention of braiding it before bed.

The movements were almost methodical and seemed to soothe them both. Kili was so focused on the gentle glide through Fili's hair that it took him a moment to realize that Fili's shoulders were shaking.

His walls had started to crumble.

"I was thinking," Kili began softly as he continued the movement of the brush, "We should host Christmas this year. We haven't had both families under the same roof since our wedding." He pointed out, which was both true and something he'd thought of earlier in the week. It had been a passing idea that he hadn't thought of again until now.

"W-we'd have to watch my dad butter up y-your grandmother again." Fili's voice was quivering and now it was impossible to notice the tremors.

Before Kili could say anything else, a harsh sob was ripped from Fili's throat and he keened. "Kee..." The broken sound of his name had Kili dropping the brush and curling his slightly taller frame around Fili as he pulled the blond back against his chest in an attempt to surround his lover.

"Talk to me, Fee." Kili whispered into an ear when there was nothing else, when all Fili seemed to be able to do was shake within his embrace. It was hard to see his normally strong and protective partner in so much pain and not be able to fix it. "I'm right here." He promised and pressed a couple of kisses to the shoulder beneath his chin while ignoring the burning in his own eyes.

The noise Fili made was somewhere between a whimper and a moan, and Kili could feel tears dripping onto the arm that held the blond tightly. It took a few minutes of Fili gasping through his built up anguish before he could finally speak again, and while his voice was barely a whisper, it was loud in the quietness of their room.

"We were called to the scene of an accident. A mother and her-" he hiccupped, "her daughter had been hit when another driver ran a red light." Fili bowed his head and forced himself to take deep breaths. "The mother was pinned...h-her legs were..." He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. "Sh-she knew she w-wasn't going t-to make it. B-but she made me promise to save her daughter."

Kili gently nuzzled his nose into Fili's hair as he listened to the story through halted starts and abrupt stops. He didn't know when he started to rock them, but he held on to Fili tighter than he ever had before and let his body do the rest.

The daughter hadn't been breathing but had still had a pulse, and while Tauriel had raced them to emergency, Fili had worked on getting her to breathe again. His attempts hadn't been enough.

By the time Fili had finished, Kili had pulled them both up so they could lie down in the bed properly. Kili's pillow was tucked under Fili's arm with his face buried in it for the time being as Kili gently stroked over his back and through his hair. Eventually Fili surfaced once more, face blotchy and eyes red. "I couldn't save her. She was pronounced dead at the hospital." He managed to get out before falling silent once more, exhausted both emotionally and physically.

Kili's hand continued its motions as he focused on Fili's face. His husband was still distressed, but he was worn out and waning. Tears continued to soak Kili's pillow, but the trembling and hiccupping had been replaced by an occasional sniffle.

There were a lot of things the brunet could say. _It wasn't your fault. Everything will be okay. You did your best._ But he knew none of it would bring Fili any comfort. Saying what instinct told him to say was useless. Children were Fili's weakness, and he always blamed himself when one was lost. He might have understood that it hadn't been his fault, but in his mind his best wouldn't have been good enough. Things _would_ be okay, but only with time.

The blond was good at his job and had always gone above and beyond the call of duty for the patients he brought to the hospital. He had an aura about him that was instantly calming, and his smile and honest eyes could put even the most difficult people at ease. Many people that he and Tauriel had brought into the hospital had thanked him for making them feel so safe.

And Kili would know all of this first hand, since he'd experienced it the night they'd met.

Kili closed the distance between them and pressed a kiss to Fili's forehead even as he wrapped the other up in a tight hug. "I wish I could take your pain away, Fee." He murmured softly as he rested his hand against Fili’s cheek, "Tell me what you need from me, anything to make this more bearable for you.”

The small smile he was given felt like a gift. “Just hold me, please?”

“You never have to ask me for that.” He shifted closer on the bed, tangling their legs together and pulling Fili flush against him. One of the loose blankets was pulled over them and tucked around Fili in an attempt to shield his beloved from the world for as long as he needed.

With that done, Kili settled down himself, close enough so that their noses brushed every time either shifted and they could easy share soft kisses between them without having to move. The lamps would be left on to help chase any darkness and nightmares away until morning.

“Anything else?” Kili whispered against Fili’s lips.

“No. This is all I need.” Fili promised and finally allowed himself to give into his body’s demands for sleep. “Love you, Kee.”

“Love you too, Fee.” Kili pressed one more kiss to the lips against his before stilling once more so Fili could rest.

There’d be appointments to see the counsellor that the hospital employed specifically for its staff, and there would still be some lingering guilt over the next few days. Smiles would be less frequent, and Kili would treasure every single one of them.

But for the moment, as Kili stayed awake a little longer _just in case_ , he was content knowing that his presence and love were comfort enough for tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> * After writing this I really want to explore this new universe. Oh man. So many AUs, so little time!


End file.
